


Born to serve love

by from within (aconite_fic)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Summer Pornathon, Summer Pornathon 2014, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 12:12:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2109477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aconite_fic/pseuds/from%20within
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin had a gift. Sometimes it felt more like a curse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Summer Pornathon 2014, challenge three: Trades and Professions. The first chapter is the original entry, the second - an added alternate ending (that kind of got longer than the original entry. Oops.) Unbeta'd.

Ever since he was a child, Merlin feared three things:

\- someone asking him what he wanted to be when he grew up;  
\- someone making him fall in love with them;  
\- someone kissing his lips.

The first one was easy to face. Whenever grown-ups ruffled his hair and asked him if he wanted to be a doctor (or an astronaut, or a scientist, or an athlete) he just nodded and ducked his head. He didn’t want to tell them that he was already all he needed to be, but he didn’t want to outright lie, either. He just let them paint their dreams on him and laugh, let them walk away.

x

The others he faced for the first time when he was twelve. He wasn’t sure if it was love, but Gwen was nice and pretty and wanted to hold his hand. When he dared to peck her lips one day after school, he almost saw the shift that happened inside of her. The wrinkle on her brow was tiny and Gwen, lovely, sweet Gwen managed to cover it up with a shake of her head and a bright smile. She hugged him tightly and Merlin sighed, knowing he’d already lost her.

When she came up to him the next day, he said he knew. He understood. She nodded and hugged him again, then went to sit next to Lance. Later he caught her sending him a guilty look, but all he did was smile in reply.

It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t like him. It wasn’t her fault that Merlin’s blessed (cursed?) lips made her realise it.

x

Then he was seventeen. Merlin didn’t think Gwaine would be much of a kisser. He was wrong.

He pushed Gwaine’s head down as they fumbled in the hallway and Gwaine groaned, mouthed at his neck. When he tried for his lips again Merlin grabbed him and put Gwaine’s back to the wall, sunk on his knees and blew him to the rhythm of the party music still thumping in his ears, albeit muted. When Gwaine came Merlin drank every last drop and rubbed himself through his jeans until his underwear was sodden.

When he rose to his feet again Gwaine grinned and pulled him closer, then frowned when Merlin swayed away and didn’t let their lips meet.

He said nothing. He wouldn’t tell Gwaine it was his destiny to make people realise who they were supposed to be with by giving them a kiss.

He didn’t need another reminder that none of them belonged with him.

x

Mordred came around when he was twenty-one.

He was odd and private, but he let Merlin in, let him uncover all the emotion he hummed with underneath. Merlin watched him, fascinated first, then fearful; he waited for Mordred to shut him out again and leave. He never did.

He never asked why Merlin wouldn’t kiss him. He just placed small, quiet kisses all over Merlin’s face, his body, his hands; he worshipped all of him with an intensity that made Merlin feel like he was drowning.

He tried to give back at least half of what he had taken, but anything he did felt empty. It all felt a lie.

He decided to do it with Mordred still flushed beneath him, sated, happy.

“Alright?” Mordred asked, voice soft, as he noticed Merlin’s strained expression.

Merlin nodded. He leaned down and felt Mordred gasping in the second before their lips met. The kiss was slow, cautious on Mordred’s side and grievous on Merlin’s. When he withdrew Merlin kept his eyes closed for a few seconds. He felt his heart skip a beat when he was met with Mordred’s smile upon opening them.

Mordred let out a laugh and reached up, pulled Merlin closer to kiss him again. Merlin barely kept from bolting out of the bed, away from Mordred, away from everything. Actually kissing someone, knowing they didn’t want to let go - it felt surreal. Wrong.

As Mordred fell asleep on his shoulder, Merlin stared up at the ceiling, unseeing.

Mordred loved him. Merlin had been so preoccupied with worrying that he didn’t that he hadn’t… he never realised _he_ didn’t love Mordred.

He kissed Mordred’s head and swore his heart would be the only one Merlin would ever break.

That was, besides his own.


	2. Chapter 2

At the age of twenty-four Merlin finally gathered the courage to tell another soul about his gift.

Arthur stared at him over his toast for a long minute, then dropped what was left of his breakfast on the plate and beckoned Merlin closer with his fingers.

“What?” Merlin asked while Arthur wiped his mouth with a napkin.

“Come kiss me.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows. “You don’t mean that.”

“Oh, I do,” Arthur huffed. “My father keeps nagging me to settle down already. Better do it with someone I know is good for me, yeah?” When Merlin didn’t reply, Arthur cast his gaze down. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s not that,” Merlin assured him and put his coffee down, then walked over to Arthur’s side of the table. “Just… promise me we’ll still be friends, yeah?”

“After we kiss?”

“No. Well, yeah, after- after you find out.” Merlin wouldn’t see another friend go. He couldn’t lose Arthur.

“Of course we’ll still be friends, you ass,” Arthur rolled his eyes. His features softened a second later when Merlin leaned over him and pressed their lips together.

The taste of honey still lingered on Arthur’s lips. Merlin licked the bottom one and it made them both giggle for some reason, made Arthur put his hand on Merlin’s neck and pull him closer. For once, the kiss felt different. It felt right. Arthur was his friend and Merlin felt like he’d do anything to make him happy.

When they pulled apart Merlin smiled and asked, “Well?”

Arthur shrugged. “Nothing.”

Merlin jerked away. “Nothing?”

“I don’t feel any different. Are you sure that _power_ of yours is even real?”

“Or course it’s real!” Merlin said, indignant. When he saw a frustrated crease appear on Arthur’s brow, Merlin hurried to add, “Maybe you haven’t met them yet?”

“Maybe.” He didn’t sound convinced.

They were quiet for a minute.

“Arthur?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you again?”

Merlin must have looked too hopeful, maybe a little pathetic, or even as starved for affection as he actually felt, ‘cause Arthur didn’t hesitate to pull him closer by the hand and grant his wish.

x

They kissed and kissed again over time. Arthur changed jobs, met new people, went over girlfriends and boyfriends, but Merlin’s gift never deemed any of them suitable.

“You can’t just trust me on this,” Merlin said one night after another kiss. Arthur had let out a groan and turned around when they’d pulled apart and Merlin felt his heart sink as he watched him. “This Percival seems lovely. And so did Mithian. You don’t have to always break things off just because I haven’t validated it.”

“It’s not that,” Arthur mumbled. He turned back to Merlin and Merlin saw the hurt in his eyes.

“You don’t love them.”

“No,” Arthur confirmed. “I just figured… I might not love them now, but if they’re the one… I may learn to?”

“That’s not how things are supposed to go,” Merlin shook his head. “When someone’s right for you… you just know it. My kiss would just confirm it.”

“How do you know this? How did you even acquire this… power?”

“I was born with it,” Merlin shrugged. “I’ve always known.”

x

“Your power sucks, mate,” Arthur slurred and took another swig from his bottle.

A bitter laugh escaped Merlin’s mouth. “Tell me about it.”

“How does it work for you?” Arthur asked and straightened up, leaned back on their sofa. “How d’you know who’s _your_ one?”

“I… I don’t know for sure. I just fall in love,” Merlin shrugged. “And then never act on it.”

“How have you survived this long?” Arthur marveled. “You’re the biggest girl I’ve ever met. You probably fall in love with every other guy. No offence, I mean,” the last sentence barely came out with Arthur’s lips wrapped around the bottle’s throat.

“None taken.”

x

The next morning, Merlin looked up from his phone when he heard a wounded groan all the way from Arthur’s room. He barely suppressed a chuckle when he saw Arthur peek inside the kitchen first - a mess of ruffled hair and jaded eyes - before he came in and dragged himself to his chair.

“Coffee?” Merlin offered.

“Uh-huh.”

Merlin shook his head and went to pour a fresh cup. He left it in front of Arthur, then leaned on the counter to observe his friend’s slow and torturous recovery.

“I hadn’t even had a drink in _so_ long,” Arthur whined as he pressed his cheek on the table and looked up at Merlin with his sad, puppy-like eyes.

“Well, you sure made up for it,” Merlin huffed. “Do you even remember all you said last night?” It was probably too early to ask. Merlin didn’t care. He needed to know, otherwise he’d never raise the question again.

“Yeah,” Arthur sighed. He lifted his head and propped it on his hand. “I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while now,” he said and looked down.

“Yeah?” Merlin asked cautiously.

“Yeah,” Arthur said. “I mean… is that why you keep agreeing to kiss me?” His free hand drew invisible patterns on the tabletop. “Because you can’t have anyone else?”

Merlin didn’t want to lie. “It used to be because of this.”

“And then?”

“You’re my friend,” Merlin shrugged. “I like kissing you,” his tone had gone quiet with weariness. “But it’s still part of it, kind of, because it… it really sucks, being alone for so long,” he chuckled without humour. “It kind of feels like using you sometimes. Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Don’t be,” Arthur replied. “I’ve been using you, too. With all the checking if I’ve found my soulmate? God, that’s messed up,” he groaned and rubbed his eyes.

“Yeah,” Merlin said. “I don’t mind, though,” he added, then shrugged when Arthur looked up. “If you don’t mind.”

Arthur shook his head. He got up and gave Merlin a hug that felt more like he was just relaxing all his weight on top of Merlin.

“Ow, get off, you prat,” Merlin laughed and pushed him away. Arthur did as he was told with a wide grin, then closed his (still puffy) eyes and Merlin followed suit. He wrapped his hands around Arthur’s neck and licked into his mouth, only to pull away seconds later with a disgusted groan.

Before he could say anything, he felt a twist in his guts that made him gasp. He felt drawn to Arthur, felt him closer than ever, like he… like he was something Merlin didn’t know he was missing right up to this moment. He felt his heart pound in his chest when he saw Arthur’s eyes widen as he stared at Merlin.

“You,” Merlin whispered.

“Yes, Merlin?” Arthur prompted, voice thin.

“Your breath is terrible,” Merlin blurted out.

Arthur huffed. Then snorted. Then he broke into a laugh that didn’t stop, not when Merlin pushed him away, nor when he pulled him back to himself, and definitely not while they were kissing and tumbling to Merlin’s room, knocking over everything standing in their way.

x

Merlin was twenty-seven and feared nothing. He was in love, and more importantly, he was loved. He felt his lips sore with the proof of it more than once.

He’d grown up to be exactly what he wanted to be.


End file.
